Watch Your Mouth!: Rethinking Everyday Language for a More Positive World
by Niki Clark and Rachel Clark, Niki Clark Marketing
Approximate read time: 6-7 minutes
3 Key Takeaways:
Language Shapes Mindset and Relationships:
The words we use daily don’t just reflect how we think — they actively shape our emotions, habits, and the way we connect with others. Violent or aggressive phrases can subtly increase stress and negativity, while positive language builds trust and fosters collaboration.Many Common Phrases Have Violent Origins:
Expressions like “bite the bullet,” “take a stab at it,” and “bombed that test” come from warfare, hunting, and competitive culture. Although these phrases are part of everyday speech, reconsidering them can lead to more mindful and uplifting communication.Small Shifts Create Lasting Change:
Replacing aggressive phrases with neutral or positive alternatives (like “thriving” instead of “killing it”) can rewire your brain toward optimism over time. Being intentional with your words, catching yourself in real time, and even finding an accountability buddy can make positivity a natural part of your communication.
Have you ever stopped to think about the words you use every day? The actual, individual words and what they mean? How many times have you said, "I hate that" or "shoot me an email" without a second thought?
If you pause for a moment and really listen, you’ll realize that so much of our everyday speech is filled with violent imagery. We casually toss around phrases like, "I bombed that test," "take a stab at it," or "I'm dead tired." These expressions are so ingrained in our culture that we barely register their negative undertones.
But words are powerful. The language we use doesn’t just reflect our thoughts—it shapes them. And small changes can make a big difference. By choosing more neutral or positive expressions, we can create a tone that’s uplifting, inclusive, and more aligned with how we want to be perceived and how we connect with others.
Let’s Go Back: A Look at the History of Violent Language
Language Shaped by Conflict
There’s no denying that wars and battles have been a significant part of human existence, and our language evolved right alongside. Many common expressions stem from military origins:
"Fighting an uphill battle"—originally a literal description of warfare, now used metaphorically for any difficult struggle.
"Pull the trigger"—formerly a reference to firing a weapon, now used when making a decisive choice.
"Bite the bullet"—a phrase dating back to times when soldiers literally bit bullets during surgery without anesthesia.
When soldiers came home from war, they didn’t just bring back stories—they brought back the language of battle. Over time, those phrases stopped being about actual combat and became shorthand for struggle, perseverance, and getting things done.
Hunting, Farming, and Survival
Before industrialization, survival meant farming and hunting. This deeply influenced language:
"Kill two birds with one stone"—originally a literal hunting technique, now meaning efficiency.
"Take a stab at it"—a reference to physical action, now synonymous with attempting something.
A lot of these expressions were born from real-life experiences, but even as hunting and farming faded from daily routines, the phrases stuck. Old habits (and words) die hard. Wait… is that one too?
The Competitive Mindset
As societies grew, competition—whether in sports, trade, or politics—became dominant, and so did aggressive language:
"Knock it out of the park" (from baseball).
"Hitting it hard" (from boxing).
"Cutthroat competition" (from capitalism’s aggressive business culture).
Passed down through generations, these sayings helped cement a kind of aggressive edge in everyday language—whether we realized it or not.
Why It’s Worth Reconsidering
Language isn’t just how we communicate—it’s how we think, feel, and navigate the world. Studies suggest that constantly hearing negative or aggressive words can subtly amp up stress levels and make emotional reactions a little more intense, and I don’t know about you, but I do not need that.
The Power of Positive Language
Using positive language is a total game-changer, whether you’re at work or just dealing with everyday life. Swapping out harsh or critical phrases for ones that feel more collaborative—like saying “shared ownership” instead of “accountability”—can make a huge difference. It builds trust, opens up communication, and helps everyone feel like they’re on the same team.
The more we lean into positive language, the easier it gets for our brain to make it second nature. This is thanks to the “science of habit,” which is all about those neural pathways your brain builds when you repeat something enough times. Basically, practice makes permanent!
Common Violent Phrases and Their Alternatives
From "Killing It" to "Thriving": A Thoughtful Approach
Here’s a side-by-side look at some common violent expressions and their alternatives:
Violent Phrase & An Alternative
Killing it ——— Thriving, excelling
Bite the bullet ——— Face the challenge
Bombed a test ——— Struggled on the test
Take a stab at it ——— Give it a try
Crushing it ——— Succeeding, doing great
Pull the trigger ——— Make a decision
Slaying the competition ——— Leading the industry
We’re not saying eliminate metaphors, but be more mindful and choose words that align with how you want to communicate.
How to Make the Shift
It can be hard to notice that these little words and phrases are actually pervasive elements of your day-to-day conversations. But being mindful of it is the first step in shifting your tone. When you pay more attention to your words, you’ll pick up on all of the opportunities you have to infuse positivity into your communication.
If you catch yourself saying “I hate ketchup,” correct yourself in real time. Make a conscious effort to rephrase it – instead of saying “I hate ketchup” try something less aggressive like “I prefer mustard” or “ketchup isn’t my bag, baby.” It might seem like a trivial example, but it’s one of hundreds of common colloquialisms that can be spun into something less negative.
Something that we always recommend when someone is trying to make a change in their life is finding an accountability buddy! Let someone else know what you’re doing and ask them to hold you to it. If you slip up, they have your permission to correct you and encourage you to stick to your (guns!) resolution.
The Benefits of Non-Violent Language
The words we use have a big impact on our relationship with and how we perceive the world. Negative language can trigger stress and anxiety by activating areas of the brain responsible for emotional responses. Over time, this can create a pattern of negativity that affects both how we feel about ourselves and how we interact with others, and patterns aren’t always easy to break! The good news is that positive words do the opposite. They stimulate the parts of our brain tied to optimism and action, helping us view ourselves and those around us in a better light.
Basically, choosing uplifting language can reshape how we experience life and connect with others. How cool is that? It’s like teaching yourself how to be happier and that’s pretty profound!
Your Words Matter
Try this challenge: For one week, consciously replace violent phrases with positive alternatives. At the end of the week, reflect on how it changed your conversations, mindset, and interactions.
The words we choose can shape the world we live in. Why not make it a little more positive?
Sources:
Frontiers, September 2024
The Neuroscience Behind Our Words
The Power of Words: Why We Need to be Intentional With the Things We Say
